Welcome to Ask Coach Tony!
This is your opportunity to get a taste of my Operation Melt coaching by asking me your most pressing questions about achieving your goals and personal growth.
Ask Coach Tony is where you’ll find answers, insights, and strategies to help you take actionable steps toward success … whether you’re just starting or looking to level up.
Ready for a dad joke?
Consider this a lighthearted amuse-bouche for your brain before we get serious. Sure, it might be groan-worthy—but hey, at least you’re getting your money’s worth, right? ????
I had a hen who could count her own eggs.
She was a mathemachicken.
This One Thing Causes More Disappointment and Frustration Than Any Other
(And You’re Probably Doing It Right Now)
Ever get that feeling where you’re doing “everything right” but still feel let down?
Like you’re crushing your goals, showing up, pushing hard… and yet, you’re annoyed, frustrated, or just off?
You’re not alone. In fact, most of my coaching clients have been there.
And they all have one thing in common:
They fell into the trap.
A trap so common it hides in plain sight.
A trap that’s silent, sneaky, and absolutely guaranteed to drain your joy, motivation, and momentum.
Want to know what it is?
Expectations.
Yep. That’s it.
Not your job. Not your partner. Not your willpower.
Unmet, unspoken, and often unrealistic expectations are the single biggest source of disappointment and frustration I see in people’s lives.
They quietly sabotage your happiness. Let’s talk about how this sneaky saboteur wrecks your progress.
The Silent Killer: Expectations vs. Reality
Here’s the equation that no one teaches you in school:
Expectations – Reality = Frustration
Think about it:
- You expect to lose 10 pounds in two weeks. You lose 5. You’re annoyed.
- You expect your friend to support your big decision. They flake. You’re hurt.
- You expect to feel motivated every day. You don’t. Now you’re spiraling.
Expectations aren’t bad on their own. But they’re dangerous when they’re:
- Unclear
- Uncommunicated
- Unfair
And most of the time? They’re all three.
The Real Cost of the Trap
When your expectations don’t match reality, your brain often interprets it as failure.
Even if you’re making solid progress, it won’t feel like it.
Here’s what that does to you:
- It demotivates you.
- It kills confidence.
- It makes you question everything: “What’s wrong with me?” (Spoiler: nothing.)
As a coach, I see it all the time… clients feeling like “I didn’t do enough.”
But when we dig into what actually happened, they’re usually crushing it… just maybe not in the way they expected to.
Escaping the Trap: 4 Shifts That Work
1. Replace Control with Curiosity
I say it all the time: we have INFLUENCE over many aspects of our lives, but true CONTROL over far fewer. If you replace your attempts to control with a commitment to curiosity, the conversation inside your brain changes.
Instead of assuming how things should go, ask:
“What might happen if I try this?”
Curiosity opens doors. Expectations slam them shut.
Curiosity says, “Let’s see what’s possible.” Expectations say, “It better go exactly like this, or I’m out.”
2. Speak Your Expectations Out Loud
Especially when they involve other people.
You might expect support from your partner, praise from your boss, or encouragement from your friends. But if you don’t say anything, you’re setting them up to fail—and yourself too.
No one’s a mind reader. Say what you need.
Bonus: speaking your expectations up front lets you replace future disappointment with clarity, conversation, and agreement.
3. Make Your Goals Flexible
This is where project management meets real life.
Instead of saying, “I expect to feel confident by summer,” try:
“I’m going to follow my action plan, track my effort, and check in weekly to adjust if needed.”
Goals are great. But build in space for detours because you will hit a few.
4. Celebrate the Effort, Not Just the Outcome
Guess what one thing is almost 100% within your control… your effort!
This is one of my go-to coaching reminders:
Showing up is winning.
Even if you don’t hit the number or nail the outcome…
You moved.
You learned.
You grew.
That matters.
Why This Matters (More Than You Think)
Project Manage Your Life isn’t about perfection; it’s a process to support sustainable, flexible, empowered change. One of the core concepts in the workbook is planning ahead for obstacles, including the mental ones like unrealistic expectations.
So much of your stress comes from the gap between what you imagined and what is.
But the good news? You can close that gap.
You don’t need to lower your standards.
You just need to upgrade your mindset.
Try This This Week:
Here’s a technique you can try this week that will help you upgrade your mindset.
Hint: it’s all about interrupting your mental autopilot and engaging your thinking brain.
- Notice when you’re frustrated.
- Pause and ask: What was I expecting to happen?
- Reflect: Was that expectation fair? Helpful? Shared?
That one pause could change your entire day.
Final Thought: Let Go to Grow
Dropping the pressure of unrealistic expectations makes space for real growth… the kind that lasts.
So let go of how it was “supposed to go.”
Be here instead. Adjust. Try again. Move forward.
It’s not about expecting perfection.
It’s about managing the project of your life with eyes wide open.
Ready to Ditch Disappointment for Good?
If you’re tired of feeling like you’re always falling short… even when you’re giving it your all… it’s time for a new approach. That’s exactly why I created Project Manage Your Life (PMYL).
PMYL isn’t just a motivational pep talk. It’s a full system to help you:
- Get clear on what you want
- Build a flexible, realistic action plan
- Adjust like a pro when life inevitably throws you curveballs
- Actually finish what you start
Here’s how you can get started:
???? Grab the Free PMYL eBook
Get the complete Project Manage Your Life process, including my proven six-step framework. It’s the same method I use with coaching clients and it’s yours free as my way of saying “you’ve got this.” Click here to grab your eBook.
???? Take It Further with the PMYL Workbook
This isn’t your average fill-in-the-blank worksheet. The workbook includes all the tools, templates, and exercises I use in real coaching sessions to help you go deeper, get focused, and make things happen. Click here to grab a paperback or interactive PDF workbook.
???? Work With Me 1:1
Want personalized support and accountability? I offer a limited number of PMYL coaching spots for people ready to move from stuck to unstoppable. Together, we’ll build momentum, break through roadblocks, and create a life that actually works for you.
???? Grab your copy of the Project Manage Your Life system and start managing your life like the high-stakes, high-reward project it truly is.
No more guessing. No more going it alone. Let’s build your roadmap together.
✨ I believe in you. Let me help YOU believe in you!
Meet Coach Tony
Tony Weaver is a master life coach, technologist, consultant, writer, and founder of Operation Melt.
He helps project managers and other left-brained high-achievers pursue their biggest goals.
Through free resources, personalized coaching, and his proven Project Manage Your Life system, Tony empowers clients to move their dreams from “someday” to success — one step at a time.
Learn more about Project Manage Your Life, the system my clients and I use to crush our goals, at OperationMelt.com/PMYL/
Ready to Move Your Goals from Someday to Success?
Sign up for free access to exclusive resources, updates, and your FREE full copy of Project Manage Your Life … the proven system to achieve your biggest goals one step at a time.
